What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

           Remember when you were a kid and people were always asking you what you wanted to be when you grew up? Middle age is the time in our lives when nobody asks anymore because it’s no longer a mystery. Those older and wiser than yourself no longer care to ask. You are now the one asking children what they want to be. If you think about it, it sucks.

            I wanted to be a scientist when I was young, even though I had no idea what scientists actually did. I grew up in the age of chemistry sets where you could make stink bombs right in your own kitchen. Erector sets were things dreams were made of and were encouraged, by adults, to be played with. I even had Tinker Toys and Legos to build things never dreamed of by my parent’s generation.

            Later, I wanted to be a lawyer because lawyers made lots of money and that was what was important in life. Money could buy nice homes and fancy cars (even red ones). I didn’t know what lawyers did either, but I knew that Perry Mason was very boring to watch on TV. None of that mattered, though, as long as I got lots of money.

            So is middle age defined by what we no longer seek to be? I don’t think so. I changed careers when I was 31 and struggled with the same feelings I have now. I don’t want to be known as “teacher”, “airman”, “serial killer”, or “homeless bum.” I want to be known as an intelligent guy who likes to write and talk about life (and occasionally rambles). I’d also like to be known as “that rich guy”, but let’s take it one step at a time.

            My point is, as children, we had dreams that changed with the seasons. As adults, we can either keep dreaming or give up to the pressures of life. If you have a job you love, great! If you’re living your dreams, super! If you’re not, be brave and keep dreaming. Middle age means we’re only halfway done and there’s still a lot of time left in our aging bones. We might as well enjoy the second half because no one else is going to do it for us.

            How many times have you said to yourself, “If I only knew then what I know now”? Guess what? You do know what you know now, so what are you going to do about it? I know now that TV is a major waste of my time, so I’d rather spend time outside with my family (unless it’s over 100 degrees outside). I know now that sugar is killing me, so I eat better and feel better. I also know that there are many people out there who don’t care about me at all, so I choose not to spend time with them.

            I’ll write more about quality of life later. For now, just grab one of your old dreams from off the shelf, dust it off, give it a good look, and give it a try. I still want to be a scientist, but now it’s my wife and not my parents who have taken my chemicals away “for my own protection.” Watch out DuPont!!

Red Sports Car

            It was raining the other morning (a miracle around here), and my wife and I decided it was a great time for a walk. As we were going down the street, a red sports car, driven by an elderly gentleman, passed us going quite fast. As he rounded the corner, he spun out and twirled down the road like a stubby little ballerina. After laughing, never once worrying about his health, I started to think what a moron he was. Obviously he bought the sports car to impress someone and didn’t even know how to handle it. Granted, the roads were slick, but I’ve never done that in my worn out Suburban.

            Later, I began to wonder how many people buy fancy, little cars or other expensive toys in an effort to make themselves feel younger. As I get older, I have enough trouble getting down into my Saturn Ion, let alone a corvette. Why would I want to remind myself how old I am every time I need to get into or out of the car?

            Hitting midlife is often an excuse to buy things we really don’t need in an attempt to make us feel fulfilled in life. I don’t know whether it makes us feel like we have something to show for all our hard work, or we’re trying to show that we’re not as old as the mirror says we are. Either way, there are a lot of other things we can do instead of buying fancy, new toys.

            I look back on my children and feel success (most of the time). Not all of them turned out the way I envisioned, but I love each one and am proud of what they turned into. Some are not even done yet, so they may surprise me. I know I surprise my mom all the time with the things I do. They’re not all good surprises, but beggars can’t be choosers.

            I’m also proud of my cars, in a strange sort of way. My Suburban shows that I had a big family and at least most of them survived - actually they all did, despite my driving. My Ion shows that I’m concerned with the environment and want to save the planet (I’m also cheap and don’t like buying gas.) My old pick-up shows that I’m a worker and don’t mind getting dirty. If those don’t let people know that I am successful, I don’t know what will.

            As far as feeling old, I’m losing weight and getting outside more often. Just by changing the way I eat makes me feel younger. I’m also trying to focus more on my relationship with my wife, so I can have that young feeling of being in love again. I don’t need to show anyone how young I am, they’re probably too wrapped up in their own mid-life crisis to pay attention to me anyway.

            We are who we are, and we can only get better by changing what’s inside. A new car that we can’t drive safely on wet roads won’t change a thing about us. If you want to buy a new car, get one with a nice interior because that’s the part of the car you spend the most time looking at. If you want to feel younger, work on what’s inside first.

            Safe driving!

Gratitude

As a new school year begins, I find myself without a job for the first time in many years. I’m scared, insecure, and worried what the future may or may not bring. Amid all these feelings, I also have a feeling of gratitude. I’m grateful that I no longer work for a person who has no regard for the people who work for her. I’m grateful that I can sleep at night without fear of frustration dreams caused by a hostile work environment. I’m grateful that the biggest drama in my life is whether our house will sell, which doesn’t involve people being mean to each other.

            I’ve found that writing down things I’m grateful for each day helps me (here’s that writing thing again). Thinking of things to be grateful for takes more thought on some days, but as I practice each day it gets easier. Though writing down my thoughts of gratitude sounds simple, the fact that I haven’t done it for the majority of my life says something. They (I don’t know who they really are) say it takes 21 days to develop a habit. I now have the habit and having a place to write them down was a major part of it. I limit myself to two things daily, unless I’m really feeling good, then I do more.

            I’ve especially found this gratitude thing to be very helpful in my marriage. Going through a midlife crisis often brings to mind cheating and finding a younger woman to have fun with. I’m trying to avoid that by finding things about my wife for which I’m grateful. It’s working, and I must say that our relationship hasn’t been this good in years. The best part is that I don’t have to make things up and because I usually don’t share them with her, I don’t have to worry about sounding fake or corny. Humans are social beings and having someone around who knows and loves you is worth any effort I have to make. I know I’m sounding a little mushy, but it’s all part of it. (Chicks dig mushy guys!)

            I’ve gone from wishing to die each day (not suicidal, just willing to die), to being grateful for each day and every day within a matter of months. My improving health is one reason for this amazing occurrence and I’m hoping that as I continue to heal my ‘old man’ body, I will continue to live each day with excitement. Okay, maybe that’s a bit much. How about living each day with something to look forward to? Not so melodramatic and yet meaningful. I like it.

            If you’re not feeling good about yourself, try to find the good in others. Trust me, it makes a difference and makes living with yourself much easier. I can’t say if it makes it easier for those around you, but let’s just stick to baby-steps shall we? Think thoughts of gratitude and write them down somewhere. You don’t have to share them and you can even wad them up later if you want. Just like everything else I tell you; just get started.

           

Addicted to Sugar

                  I’ve never been one prone to addiction, or so I thought. I don’t smoke and never have. I don’t drink alcohol, though I did try it in college (there must be a story or two there). I don’t do drugs (need I mention college again?). Therefore, I must be a paragon of virtue and have people lined up to worship at my self-controlled feet. The truth, though, is quite different. Not only do I not have legions of disciples, I was addicted to sugar for most of my life.

                  Studies have shown that sugar is an addictive substance and anyone who’s tried to stop eating and drinking it can attest to that. Anything that’s difficult to stop is addictive. That may be too broad a statement, but I don’t think there’s a support group for carrot addiction. There’s also not a broccoli-anonymous out there for people who are in broccoli denial. So I stand by my statement.

                  Scientists have known since the 50s that sugar is not good for us, but scientists aren’t the ones making commercials for breakfast cereals and soft drinks. Did you know that Coke actually came out and said that Coke is part of a balanced diet? They said it has health benefits because it makes people drink liquids when they normally might not. Are you kidding? Since when is sugar water and caffeine part of a balanced diet or healthful?

                  To make matters worse, most products now have high fructose corn syrup in them instead of sugar. I’ve even seen commercials where they claim it’s the same as sugar and therefore healthy. To a diabetic, that’s like saying this brand of arsenic is better than another brand. Eat up!!

                  Once again, we can’t believe what businesses tell us because they don’t have our best interests at heart. High fructose corn syrup has been proven to be an appetite stimulant. That means that instead of just making us fat, it makes us want to eat even more, which makes us even fatter. It’s a win-win for businesses making money off our poor health. Food manufacturers get more people to eat their product, doctors get more patients, drug manufacturers get more pills sold, and we get fat. Maybe I should call it a win-win-win-lose situation.

                  So what do we do? Read labels and stop eating high fructose corn syrup and sugar. But because it’s addicting, it’s hard - very, very hard. I suggest you try it for two weeks. Most people get tired, cranky, and don’t feel well when they try, but it’s so worth it. Some people can get over it in as little as three days while others take a little longer. No matter who you are, though, you can do it. I may not be a paragon of virtue, but I still beat my addiction to sugar and I feel great.

                  If losing weight isn’t an issue for you, then think of it as "sticking it to the man." Food companies want your money and are willing to put things in their products that make you want more of them. They are controlling you against your will and you must fight back for freedom! Go get ‘em and show ‘em whose boss!

Enjoying Nature

          Sometimes my head is so filled with things I just have to go somewhere to let them all escape and float away. To some of you the fact that anything is in my head is a surprise, to others it’s a mystery how I manage to keep anything in at all since I seem to say everything I think without using any sort of filter. Nevertheless, I do keep things to myself and I there are times when I need to get rid of them or they’ll eat me up like a troll under the bridge.

          The best thing I have found to release my demons is to step into nature and let her take them from me. Granted, it doesn’t always work and the thoughts and feelings always come back, but I feel renewed and more capable of dealing with them until my next foray into the wilds. Fortunately, I have a few acres just past “nowhere” where I can go to take care of it. I can literally feel the stress leave my shoulders as soon as I step out of the car. I even begin to feel better during the drive, depending on what I’m listening to in the car. I think nature is God’s way of reminding us that we’re really pretty small and so are many of our problems. Just breathing fresh air and not hearing the sounds of the city refresh me.

          I know that many people don’t have the option of spending a summer out at a farm and probably wouldn’t even if they could (too much poo), but there are other options. There have been studies that show how even listening to nature sounds calms us down. There are plenty of CDs or audio files you can get that offer sounds from jungle rain to annoying birds waking you up in the morning. I have a few of them and enjoy the rain sounds the most, probably because I live in a desert and don’t hear it very often. The thunderstorm ones are great!

          Fountains or waterfalls are also a great way to get some form of natural sounds in your life. I don’t have any because my animals keep drinking the water which makes the motors burn out, but they obviously do something because even Walmart sells them. Having water in the air also has a calming effect on us (notice where all the turmoil in the world is taking place right now: deserts). I would like to try spraying someone in the face with a water bottle next time I get in a fight with them just to see how far this water thing can be taken, but my wife recommends against it.

          As we get older and seem to have less time to relax, I think we really need to take the time and spend some it with nature. Fresh air can’t be that bad for us and getting away from an office or factory shouldn’t be too stressful, so give it a try. Even tricking your mind with some of the fake things I’ve suggested are worth a shot. Remember, it doesn’t do any good to get older if the quality of life is worse. As Spock would say, “Live long and prosper.”